Offseason

It's been a long season of training, racing, traveling, etc. Now it's time to ride purely for fun and simply enjoy being on my new crossbike in the headlands.

Rainbows and Clouds

Payton is wise beyond his years, here's why......

I should be happy with my performance at Elite Track Nationals. I should be able to rationalize my performance as something positive considering I did do a personal best in the 200m TT and won the first omnium event. I should be happy we got bronze in the team pursuit despite a disastrous team effort. I should be happy that I more than held my own against the young pros. But, my mind can't stop being critical of all that went wrong. It's like a broken record playing horribly in my head. And so I was not happy. Worst, I was not present. But now thanks to my 5 yr. old son Payton, he brought the negativity to a screeching halt. His words liberated my mind and brought me back to the here and now. He gave me a gift. That's why it's called the present, right.

When I first got in yesterday, I was so happy to see my family. Joking around, I was showing my kids my hand with the torn finger nails and asked them if they think it's gross. My daughter said "Ewww, it's yucky," which it really is. It's really nasty actually. But then when I asked Payton, he said "I don't think it's gross." Surprised, I replied "Really, what do you mean?"

Payton said "When I look at your torn fingers, I don't see what you see. I see Rainbows and Clouds. Impressed, I said "Why do you think that?" He said "Because I want you to feel happy!"

His response choked me up and made me stop and think. I can't help but be so proud of him and also thankful for reminding me of what I know to be true.

Things happen, but nothing ultimately means anything. We make up our own meanings.
Our reality is a choice we make. As I like to say between stimulus and response is a choice. It's our ultimate freedom.

Thank you son for your wisdom.

AVC Keirin Finals 2009

It definitely wasn't ideal spending 2 days in Disneyland before the big AVC track meet. But, I'm a father before anything else, so I enjoyed running around with Payton and Aria. We had a blast. Btw, I tried renting a motorized scooter reserve for disabled people so I wouldn't walk around too much, but the kids refused to have me do that. "Not right!" says Payton. Oh well.

But I knew I would feel much better after having rocktape applied all over my lower back, legs, and even face (big stach). Honestly, the pain in my lower back dissappeared and my legs felt supple again . Plus, I had my new speed weapon - fast forward wheelset (disk + 5 spoke). These wheels are the best wheels I've ridden. All things considered, I'm pretty happy with the performance especially against such a world class field.

AVC Men's Keirin from Greg van den Dries on Vimeo.

There are No Ordinary Moments

"Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow is but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day." -- Proverb

I watch this video to remind me how quickly time flies and why I need to be more aware and present in the moments that I spend with my children. They were babies here. Every moment is precious.

The things that matter most in our lives are not materialistic or grand. They are moments when we are IN the moment, when we are present in the most attentive or caring way. I can recall the most vivid details of the moment when Jenna said Yes in Maui, when she took my breath away walking down the aisle, when I gave my best man speeches at my brothers' weddings, when my Paypay and my Princess were born, when I first held them and made a promise to always be there no matter what, when I took Grandma to Italy while she was battling cancer.

When we bring full attention to our acts, the quality of the moment grows in us. It permeates more deeply in our hearts and minds. Oh how I wish I could live in these Zen moments, always. Often, I ask myself how do I make myself more aware, more peaceful, happier? How do I get in the Zone? It's a daily challenge I'm enjoying.

I suspect that many of us like sports because in them we get a glimpse of that Zen fullness, when we are in the moment and all our worries and problems are shed from our presence. The most beautiful moment in sport is arguably the 1998 Game 6 Finals between the Chicago Bulls and Utah Jazz. The last minute of that game was incredibly exciting. I was so nervous, I ate a bucket of wings and drank a forty during commercial break before the final possession. What I recall most about the game is Jordan's description of the last critical possession of the game, down by 1 pt with 16 seconds left in the game. He said that "he was in the moment, and everything seemed to move in slow motion." There was no panic in him, he wasn't thinking of the outcome, he was simply in the game, and letting the game flow to him. Then he nailed the sweetest jay from the top of the key, and held his shooting form long enough for us to always remember the greatest player ever to lace his Nike's.

Similarly, the moments I enjoy most in cycling, are the same in the zone moments. Whether it's climbing Mt. Tam above the fog bank, or descending Panoramic to the Pacific Coast, my mind is not wandering or distracted. I am engaged and enjoying every moment and focused on the danger and challenge of each bend. And in the races where I've performed well, I have this heightened sense of awareness and find myself really calm. In these moments, I feel that the race is also in slow motion. I can feel my heart pounding, but my breathing is relaxed and I can sense the explosion building in my legs. It's exhilarating. And as I've gotten older and hopefully wiser, I seem to enjoy every bike ride more eagerly. Every workout these days is enjoyable even though they are repetitive and routine.

In the stress and complexity of our daily lives, we may forget our deepest intentions. But when someone we know recently dies (Ray's nephew, Robbie's son, or Steve Larsen) we remind ourselves that we should 'Live Now.' And living now means to be PRESENT and AWARE of the moment now whatever you may be doing such as reading this blog, eating a snack, breathing. The quality of each moment depends not on what we get from it, but on what we bring to it. Let's bring more of ourselves to each moment everyday. Then we can say we are living now.

Life is a series of moments. In each, you are either awake or you are asleep -- fully alive or relatively dead. Let's not treat any moment as ordinary no matter how mundane or routine it appears. "The Greeks didn't write obituaries they only asked one question after a man died -- did he have passion?" Let's be passionate simply by being completely present and aware today. All we have is Now. "Give us this day, our daily bread....."

Rest in Peace: Ray's nephew, Robbie's son, and Steve Larsen. You will be missed dearly!

Hate it or Love it

"Nothing great can be achieved without Enthusiasm"

It's been a very very very long year on and off the bike. And it's understandable, almost expected that right now, I hate my bike. I knew this fact long before writing this blog. But I've been trying to avoid this truth, so I can stay focused for track natz next week. Honestly, what's the point of hanging on to some fitness, if I don't like the bike? What do you do?

If you don't like your bike now, do what most cyclist would do - get a new one! I did and it's a sleek carbon Planet X speed machine. They gave me a nice sponsorship deal and I'm ready to love my bike again. Will take some pictures and will post shortly! It's amazing what a new toy can do to your state of my mind.

But what's really helping me get over the burnout factor is simply riding around Golden Gate park trails with my 4 year old son, Payton.

3 weeks ago, I took off the training wheels and pushed him off and just like that he was riding his bike. And the fear of the unknown/crashing, turned into a smile for the ages. It was ear to ear and pure joy. And as I watched him gleefully spin round and round (you should see his leg speed), I was reminded why I love this sport so much. In the end we love our bikes simply b/c it is so much fun. It's not about the wins as much as each pedal stroke brings a smile to your face. It's sometimes easy to forget this with a razor like focus on peak performance. But when I'm riding around with Payton, I'm reminded that it's all about play and fun, even when my heart rate is thumping at 190bpms.
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Changing gears - thinking differently

"When the little guy doesn't know he's the little guy, he can do great things."

I was riding up Mt. Tam yesterday, when another cyclist blew past me. I shifted up some gears, accelerated up to his rear wheel and kept pace with him for the next 10 minutes. Then, it started to hurt. When I looked down at my HR monitor and powermeter, the numbers were NOT good 175+ bpm/380+ watts. Then I started thinking, I can't hold this pace for the next 20+ minutes uphill. But right before I was about to pop, I remembered what my Belarusian coach, Vlad, said to me in his heavily accented voice, "Steve, you think all WRONG, what happened?" You say you can NOT when you must say I can."

He's right, something happened to me after getting my ass kicked in during the world cups. I began focusing on my limitations, rather than my strengths. It's like I put on bright neon lights on these limitations and it flashed in the forefront of my mind. And when the racing/riding got hard, I've been backing off b/c I was too aware of my limitations and honestly, I was afraid.

During my first world cup at Sydney, I recall meeting up with all the big guns and was so excited for the first race. I couldn't wait to announce my arrival at this top level. I had no history, no past to base this high expectations. I only had my imagination, and I guess I was a bit creative. When the racing actually started, I didn't perform as well as I imagined I would. The point is that, after I was brought back down to reality, I seemed to dwell on it too much. As Osho said "We die to the past everyday. But it's the past, let it be." Beat it and bounce, right. But somehow, the past sticks to me longer, and as said above, I hold on to it closely.

So, back to the ride up Tam. Right when i was about to pop, I shifted up some gears, accelerated and rode in front, and picked up the pace. I was dying but I wanted to see if the other rider will blowup first. When I looked back, he was way behind me. He blew up. I looked at my HR - 185bpm/400watts. Technically, I should have blown up too, but this time I refused to have the performances of the past dictate how I'm going to perform at the moment and going forward. I rode up Tam with a new pb time - 3 mins. faster than I have ever done.

So much of training is physically focused. But, the body can handle just about anything, it's the mind that really needs the training. As athletes we just need to be more conscious of how we register the memories of successes, failures, and challenges. Specifically, the successes need to burn brighter than all. These memories makes us better, and no doubt, much happier.

4th of July Weekend Hi's and Low's

Let's start with the Low's:
It's a Porta Potty Nightmare. I took a piss in the porta potty and washed my hands using the foot pump to dispense the water. To my horror, the water that came out of the dispenser, was NOT water. It was the piss and shit water from the packed high porta potty. I freakin screamed like I got shot. A cop comes over and checks on me and I just unloaded on him. Smell this? And I lifted my hands up to him and he just about threw up. Then he rushed me to the ferry restroom, where I washed my hands under scalding hot water for an hour, and it was not enough. When I told Jenna, she screamed "Aaaahhhhh, and jumped out of her seat. The same way you all did when you saw the movie, The Crying Game. Nasty!

I also crashed at Davis on the 4th, banged up my knee, but finished the race.

Hi's:
AJ won the Elite District Criterium Championships in style. He pinned his head to the stem and rode solo away from the stacked breakaway. It's the biggest prize for our team and the sickest win of the year. It was a brutal race, 100+ starters and only 20+ of us finished. It was a mental suffer fest with the challenging course and the scorching heat. I had a lot of converations with myself in order to keep digging myself out the pain. In the end, my mind won over my body this time. It was a personal success.

And the swelling on my knee stopped thanks to resting a 6pack of ice cold Amstel Light on the bruise. And chugging the 6 pack, killed the pain.

It was a great weekend all in all. And hopefully, I'll get my leg speed back soon.
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